Returning to the Surf

I’ve been far too long away from the blog, and so to ease back into the habit, I’d like to post something I wrote almost a year ago as an email to friends, after returning from a Surf Camp for my 40^th birthday.  As the weather is warming up and I gaze at the growing number of surfers each day, I remind myself of the life lessons I learned during my surf adventure a year ago. . . .

For me, the time in Sayulita and learning to surf gave me many gifts for my 40^th birthday.  Not only did I get a break from daily routine, but I also had quiet time to reflect, think, journal, pray, cry, laugh and just BE.  I also returned with a quiet strength that grew from the mighty ocean that week, and that I continue to nurture by going to the ocean here as much as I can.  The calming waters are a soothing balm to my soul.

So, if I may, for those who care to read my additional musings, I will share some of the analogies from the  trip that I’ve managed to carry home to inspire me or to give me a good laugh. 

Surfing / Real Life Application #1:  TURTLE!

I don’t know about you, but when Ainsley (our surf instructor) was first describing the “Turtle” move in the Casita that first day, I was terrified to try it.  Seriously, flip over, hold my breath, and let the wave crash on my board?!  But soon in that first day, TURTLE became my friend!  Oh yes, I Turtled many a beach break whitewater and learned to do it without hesitation.  You see, I am someone that likes to have a process and a plan and a backup plan.  And so, when I see a wave that looks terrifyingly large (ok, I know they were actually all fairly small), or I see a situation that makes me feel like I’m about to lose control,  it fit my personality to have a plan and to be able to tell myself, “You’re ok, if you can’t go over it, just Turtle.”

And so, I’ve attempted this mental maneuver at home now as well.  (Although admittedly with less grace, if that is even possible!)  First, you should know that I have three Wonderful, amazing little girls.  They are ages 5, 4 and 2.  Given those two facts, you might realize that even the most precious children, when stacked up at those ages, can be trying on a Mama’s patience.  And my husband travels at least a week a month.  And I work full time.  Blah, blah, blah.  Not looking for sympathy, but simply to set the stage that my daily home life often feels like the beach break of wave after wave after wave of crying, whining, someone needing more milk, someone needing a diaper change, someone fighting about who gets the pink cup. . .   Despite my friends who knew me pre-kids and would likely tell you that I’m a kind, encouraging, patient friend,  I must confess that those characteristics have been, let’s say, lack-luster at times with my darling girls.  I’m not at all proud of this, but I am just being an honest woman.  And so, I decided to try the TURTLE with them. . .

At moments when I feel the swell inside of me and I turn around to see a huge wave about to crash down on me (e.g., the third child is also now crying about the “wrong” pajamas and I just want to scream and run out the back door) – I put my arms over my head and yell “TURTLE!!” take a deep breath, and then come back up for air. 

The good news is that it does calm me down and I’ve often avoided “wiping out” with my kids, sometimes because I’ve taken that moment, and sometimes because they look at me and think I look ridiculous and so they start laughing! 

I have yet to master the usage of this technique, but it is at least in the toolkit now.  Just yesterday after getting foolishly angry at my 4 year old for ignoring my words for the 10^th time and banishing her to a very mean time out, I asked my 5 year old “what do you think I should have done?” to which she simply replied “Mom, you could have done a Turtle”  J

Surfing / Real Life Application #2:  PADDLE LEFT

Somewhat similar to the Turtle, Paddle Left became one of my mantras when trouble was coming at me in the form of a surfer with more experience or attitude who was now surfing exactly in my direction.  I still can hear Julie’s (another surf instructor) calm but loud words from behind me yelling “paddle left!” as the dude was cutting it up on the wave to my right. But I learned that it worked.  If I just kept my calm and paddled as hard and fast as I could, I seemed to move out of trouble’s way just in time for it to pass.

I think of Marcia’s quote our last night together “sometimes we choose the path, and sometimes it chooses you.”  Although the analogy is not a perfect fit, I think of paddling left as a way to somehow attempt to mediate that contrast of paths.  When a bad path threatens to choose me, I can at least try to “paddle left” to minimize the impact, or at best to move out of trouble’s way. 

Surfing / Real Life Application #3:  LOOK WHERE YOU WANT THE SURFBOARD TO GO

Do you remember the beach break on Day 2 Free Surf and how crowded it was?  I particularly remember a fairly svelte, long haired, tan girl in a bikini who was attempting to learn to surf with her boyfriend.  I’m all for that, of course, except that it seemed every time I caught a wave she was right there with her board turned parallel to the shore – taking up so much space that I couldn’t seem to get past it.  She and her sidewards board were so annoying!!!  The instructors kept saying, “just look for the open space and your board will go there” – but all I could see was that girl, arg!!

My life feels as crowded as that beach break was.  And in the midst of certain circumstances, I often find my mind going down the path of worst-case-scenario and then my heart and spirit goes down with it.  All I can see is the freakin’ clueless skinny bikini girl and her sideward surfboard, when I am trying to get back up on a wave.  And so I let myself wipe out and eventually go back to sulk on the shore.  But guess what, that doesn’t help me catch the next wave.  I’m focused on the wrong things. 

True, we can’t ignore the annoying things and people in our way, but rather than let them cause our wipe out or send us sulking to the shore. . .  We must keep scanning the water until we can find the beautiful open space and then paddle hard into the wave to take us there. . . . 

Look in the direction we want our life to go and then have the perseverance to keep trying for those waves, or take a break to catch your breath and then GO BACK OUT there, or find the courage to trade the crowded beach break for the deeper waves to your right.  Pick your waves and go for it, intentionally looking in the direction you wish to go.

Surfing / Real Life Application #4:  APPLY THE SPACKLING

I laugh as I think about the most tedious part of the daily routine at Las Olas – it wasn’t cleaning surfboards or attempting to carry the huge boards to the beach – it was spending 20 minutes in the mornings to apply that crazy thick, Zinc Sunscreen (aka, “spackling”).  It literally took more than one person to ensure that stuff was rubbed in to every exposed bit of skin.  But let me tell you, it was worth it!  The only day I got burned was the 4^th day when I got cocky about my Mediterranean Greek skin and thought I could go without the spackling for a day and come home sun-kissed.  Well, my red belly put me to shame!  I got too careless and forgot to take care of my own skin.  How juvenile. 

As described in my above Turtle story, I am nowhere near martyr status as a mom, and am quite far from it as a wife too.  Even still, my time seems mostly consumed each day with taking care of other people and the things I think they need (which is sometimes the wrong thing, by the way).  My children, my husband, my boss, my peers, my friends, my family.  This is all goodness, until I get too careless and forget to take care of my own skin.  I’m not trying to get all “I Am Woman Hear Me Roar” but I’m just saying that our surf trip, and my spackling vs. sunburn experience, finally helped force me into a place I knew was necessary in terms of taking time out for me.  Everyone knows we can’t really help others if we neglect ourselves.  But am finally, now, putting others second (gasp!) at times so that I can take that long run along the beach to nourishes my body and my soul; I am getting sitters when Anton is out of town so that I can give myself an evening out and force myself to make friends by inviting others to join me; I am taking the extra 10 minutes to get a vanilla latte and reflect or pray after dropping my kids off, before I start work.

Figure out what the “spackling” is for you in your life (for me it is prayer & exercise). . . and apply that spackling every morning, my friends, so that you don’t end up getting burned. . . . 

Surfing / Real Life Application #5:  THE WAVES DON’T STOP JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HEAR THEM

So I will leave you with the analogy that is actually most meaningful to me and that I’ve come back to the most frequently since returning to my non-vacation life... 

I am certain that all of you remember the two nights of the LOUD and late wedding parties at our lovely Villa Amor.  Here we were in the most gorgeous, amazing villas that looked out to the sea and soaked in the sunsets each evening – the most relaxing and peaceful place on earth – well, for 4 of the 6 nights at least. . . .

On one of the not-so-peaceful nights, I had been curled up on the couch of our living area with the French doors tossed wide open – enjoying the fresh air and trying desperately to hear and absorb the steady calm of the waves hitting the shore just 50 feet away, as I read and journaled about things I was struggling with in my heart, mind and spirit.  I was determined to enjoy the fresh air, despite the loud wedding music,  in hopes of connecting with something more deeply in my soul.

But alas, as bedtime came, one of my lovely and very practical roommates swooped into the sitting area and simply shut the French doors in order that she might attempt to sleep in “peace.”  I must confess that I was a bit annoyed at first.  After all she didn’t even ask!  But after saying goodnight I was left by myself again and realized something:  The doors had dampened the sound of the music; and yet, almost miraculously, what I could now hear more clearly was the gentle crashing of the waves on the shore below.  How could it be that the more subtle sound was indeed the one that was heard more clearly now?  Was it just that it was what I wanted to hear?  Needed to hear?  I’ll never know.

But what struck me deeply at that moment was a sudden peace, calm humility and gratitude.  For, you see, it reminded me that the waves don’t stop just because you can’t hear them.  This simple fact sounds ridiculous, I know.  But it was the realization that when our lives fill up with so much noise it is easy to forget that the steady calm of the waves is still there.  And – indulge me for a moment – those waves are analogous to God’s love, faithfulness and presence to us.  The noise in my life had been so loud lately that I’d almost forgotten that He is still standing here with me, calmly, steady, unchanging, and TRUE.  Amidst all my noisy thrashing and instability, He is not fazed.  (That is not to say He doesn’t care about our thrashing, the contrary is true!)  Instead He is beckoning me to mute out the noise, come to the shore, feel the bubbly water on my toes, breathe, and let my aching soul absorb the calming steady sound of the waves and His unchanging love for me. 

Be still, my soul.  Although the noise is unbearable at times, He will enable me to bear all things in this world.  He is with me always, just as the waves always greet the shore.  

The waves don’t stop just because we can’t hear them.  And so, if we will tune out the noise of life, we will find the sound of the waves as steady today as it has been forever before . . . .

________________________________

Well, for those of you still reading, you must be book worms!  J  Thank you for allowing me to put my thoughts into words and for receiving them with humor and grace. 

It is my hope that each of us will carry forward in our lives pieces of the goodness we each received in Sayulita that week.  May we each continue to paddle out to ride our own waves with humility, strength and awe in this vast ocean of life. . . . 

TAT

Transitions - To be Savored or Swift? September 8, 2010

Transition. What emotion does that word evoke in you?
If you are like me, it likely welcomes a mix of all things bittersweet – anticipation, sadness, excitement, fear, hope, anxiety and joy. Going from something familiar to something new, or moving between two things, or bridging a gap, most often requires us to let go of something in order to grasp something else – be it physical, mental or emotional.
Dictionary.com defines Transition as: “movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another.”

 As I consider my own life, I think there are two kinds of transitions. The key is to recognize which one you are facing and to honor it accordingly in your life. . .

 Some transitions are to be savored. Savored like the tender kiss on the last day of camp, bidding goodbye to your summer love before returning to the reality of High School. (Don’t worry Dad, I never actually had a boyfriend at summer camp.)
We savor transitions from the things that gave us pleasure in life. We strive to soak in all the goodness as we leave, so that we can treasure the memories, lessons and experiences. I am someone who, on moving day, sentimentally walks through every room of the empty apartment or house, recalling the precious memories I wish to keep of time spent in that space of my life. As these transition call us to embrace the new, they first beckon us to slow down enough to savor that which we are leaving and to revel in the resulting passageway to the next thing. We carry the essence of these transitions with us, whilst still creating ample space for the new things to bloom in our life.


Other transitions are to be swift. Swift like the Tri-athlete who moves quickly from wetsuit to cycling shoes, not wanting to lose one second of transition time to the competition. 
We benefit to move swiftly through transitions that require immediate attention or that cause great pain to ourselves or others. Sometimes life throws things our way that we must simply catch without stopping to contemplate what we are dropping in order to receive it with open arms. Or we are coming out of a place of pain by which a swift transition is the best way to begin healing.

 Have you ever gotten emotionally stuck while trying to savor a transition that should have been swift?  Such as the 1st day Kindergarten mom whose tear-stained face is pressed against the classroom window while her child stares back at her with a confused smile as if to say “Mom, I’m excited! Why are you standing there crying?!”


Or have you regretted moving too quickly through a transition that you later wish you’d lingered upon?  Such as the parent who simply rushes their child up to bed instead of stopping to sincerely appreciate and ask about the creative picture the child is so busy drawing.


Perhaps managing life’s many transitions smoothly is partly done by simply recognizing if it is meant to be savored or swift, and responding accordingly.
Regardless, the transition will come and go. The opportunity is in how we embrace and respond to the actual passageway of moving from old to new. . .

Know Your Own Soul; August 23, 2010

Is deep soul-searching possible without leaving home?
This is a question I’ve been mulling over during my beach runs since seeing the recent film Eat, Pray, Love. The true story is of a woman who sets off on a year long journey to re-discover herself after realizing that she has lost her passion for life within the routines and clichés of daily American living. It is a touching film that left me full of gratefulness for the things I have, and full of longing for the opportunity to somehow live outside the daily drudgery. Who would not find their soul inspired by leaving all responsibilities behind and traveling to beautiful settings? But for those of us not so brave or lucky to risk leaving it all behind for a year (or even a month!), does this mean we miss the chance at true self-discovery and soul searching?


Now, let me clarify that I’m not speaking of a New Age kind of self-discovery. I’m speaking quite simply of searching within to understand our own inner passions, true desires and what fulfills us. Next is the intentional effort to live out those things in a way that makes us feel complete and ALIVE within our daily living. Call it your life’s passion, purpose or significance – but it seems everyone is constantly searching for this.


How do we search our souls for some revelation, or life changing decision, or radical change of perspective? Is it possible without giving up all life’s responsibilities, routines and relationships at home?

I would like to propose that although escapism is a luxurious way to “re-discover ourselves,” people who learn to soul search amidst daily life are more likely to sustain that satisfaction of the soul for a lifetime.

I’m proposing that we must learn how to be true to ourselves within our demanding world (unless you truly plan to go live in Bali forever and never raise a demanding family.) We must somehow honor and tune in to the needs of our own soul, without becoming so self-centered that we lose balance. Intentional, continuous soul searching is like preventative medicine to keep us nimble enough to handle life’s oncoming trials with more grace, and to serve others, rather than having tragedy trigger a change.


So set aside even just a few minutes today and every day to know your own soul.
Get out into nature and leave your phone behind; sleep with the windows open and listen to the crickets, or the traffic or the silence; take a walk under the bright moonlight; do something extraordinary from your regular physical activity; pray with your words and with your ears (listen to what comes back); eat something new; pay attention to how your heart feels at the end of each day; sit up in the dark of your bed and let your mind wander; acknowledge your feelings without self-judgment while still deciding to act on what is virtuous; reflect on why you chose the responsibilities you now have; imagine what you wanted at the beginning of your current life journey; remember your best days in life and reflect on what gave your heart freedom then; believe that God has a plan of hope and goodness for you.


And in the midst of this searching for passion, don’t view your daily life with distain!
Find laughter in that which you previously took too seriously; find love for that which you previously took for granted; speak out your sadness or anger instead of holding it in; live out the things that gave your heart freedom when you were young, while embracing the blessed responsibilities you have now that you are older.


Eat, Pray, Love is a story about a journey away from home to find that which the heart calls home. Let us search our souls and discover our heart’s truest beat without leaving everything else behind.
Lead your heart towards what is true, instead of following it’s fickle whims. Search your soul continuously, amidst the life you have created here.  To master this surely yields a life-long satisfaction that will enable your soul to sing regardless of what the day brings, be it in Bali, or New York, or anywhere in between.

Prologue, August 10, 2010

A great man once said "Whatever it is you wanted to be when you were 10 years old, that is what you are meant to be in life."  What is it you wanted to be?  And how does it compare with what you are doing now? 

My answer at age 10 was that I wanted to be a writer (& a horse trainer).  And so after many years of private journaling and sporatic emails that were met with replies of others encouraging me to write, I'm starting this blog.  If you are reading this, you are a "founding member" of a new adventure for me - one which may lead somewhere amazing, or may simply lead to some warm thoughts and rays of random encouragement shared amongst you and I.  But at age 40 I've committed myself to connecting back with the most authentic parts of who I am at the core and who I want to be so that I can live each day more in tune with what God has me to be, rather than living it by hectic happenstance.

So come pull up a chair, pour yourself a tall glass of lemonade or wine or whatever drink gives you refreshment and freedom of mind and heart.  Come read, listen and see what these words might stir within your own soul. . . .


(I must give a quick thanks to my amazing husband, who is, in fact the great man who made the statement above and who has always encouraged me to explore my passions in life for whatever it may bring.  Cheers to you, my sweet Anton, and to me for stepping out to explore new adventures.  May our lives together become all that we both wish for, from this day forward and forever more.)